9 Things A Man Can Do to Win His Wife’s Sexual Attraction

Photo credit: instagram.com/wethebams

This week and next I want to tackle the topic of women’s sexual attraction. Today we’ll look at it from a man’s perspective and next week from the woman’s.

I’ve been mulling this over in my head since a husband emailed me and told me his wife is never interested in sex anymore.  She told him it must be because she is not attracted to him anymore.


How does that happen? Is this woman really not attracted to her husband anymore?

How can this guy get his wife to be attracted to him again?

When things go wrong in the bedroom it’s usually because things are wrong somewhere else in the relationship.  Somewhere, a while before this loss of attraction, something else went wrong.

Because, for a woman, sex is more about her mind and emotions than about her body.

Have you ever seen a beautiful woman on the arm of an unattractive man and you wonder how he got her? That’s because looks are not the only thing that counts to a woman.

If an ugly man treats his woman right she will open her heart to him.

But when a man (even a good-looking one) fails to meet a woman’s heart needs she will eventually lose her attraction to him.

Her body will follow her heart.

A wife’s attraction to her husband is dependent on many things – hormones, stress, emotional connection, mental distraction, unmet needs, and sooooo on!

So, to make things easier, let’s assume that this woman’s problem is not hormonal or that there is something physically wrong with her. Let’s assume this is an emotional/relational problem.

What can her husband do to get her attracted to him again?

  1. Check how he treats her, consistently. Does he criticize her or break her down all the time? Negativity and criticism are not conducive to emotional connection. Speak positive words to her, tell her she’s beautiful, encourage her, appreciate her.
  1. Spend time with her talking. He should try to be open and honest about his life and struggles and listen to her when she talks.  Take a walk together and talk. Sit on the couch and end the day with some sharing.
  1. Touch her non-sexually. Guys can tend to see touch as the precursor to sex.  Wives need to know that not every touch is going to lead to the bedroom or else they may begin to resent their husband’s touch. Give her a warm long hug every day (it’s good for you too, guys – they say men live longer when they do this J).
  1. Tell her he loves her. Single. Day.
  1. Help her where possible – with the kids or dishes or cooking. This will lessen her stress and win her heart.
  1. Provide financially as best he can. We’re not talking riches here, just basic needs met, at least. This makes her feel secure, cared for, and loved.
  1. Dump the pornography. If he is turning to porn (and obviously masturbation) to get his needs met and his wife finds out it will kill her desire even more. No woman wants to be compared with porn.  Besides that, guys are damaging their own sexual function when they look at porn.  It trains their bodies to respond to an image instead of a person and damages their ability to be aroused by their wives.  Porn will not solve this problem, it will compound it.
  1. Consider her needs sexually. Make sure that she is sexually fulfilled (ie achieving orgasm) or else she is going to begin resenting sex.
  1. Ask her what he can do to help her be attracted to him. Talk about this issue. All couples have sexual issues, the difference is some talk about them, others don’t. This is important enough to talk about until they find a solution.

Attraction, though lost, is something that can be rekindled if a woman is treated right.  Pursue her heart, guys.

Pursue her heart and her body will follow.

Next week we’ll look at how women can help themselves to be more interested in sex.

Did I miss anything in this list?  Let me know in the comments.

About The Author

Jennifer Lovemore

Jennifer has diplomas in relationship counselling and CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), is a certified SYMBIS facilitator, and is certified in TPM (Transformation Prayer Minsitry). She lives in South Africa, has three grown children, and is married to her best friend – Richard.


  1. Johanna Marais | 1st Aug 18

    Hallo Jenny,
    As elke jong paartjie hierdie artikel kan lees en dit toepas is ek seker daarvan dat ons egskeidingssyfer drasties sal afneem. Dit is ‘n baie goeie artikel en ek sien uit na die volgende een! Wat spesifiek met ons vroue gaan PRAAT! Ons is altyd geneig om net te sê die man en vergeet ons aandeel is van net so groot belang om ‘n suksesvolle verhouding te bou in die huwelik.
    Baie dankie en mooi week verder vir julle.

    • Jenny Lovemore | 1st Aug 18

      Dankie Tannie Johanna! Sulke Klein dinge wat ‘n griot verskil maak nê!

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