10 Things You Can Do to Find the “One” Meant for You

Have you been disappointed and hurt by failed relationships?  You can’t seem to find a girl/guy that doesn’t cheat or flirt? You’re lonely, your biological clock is ticking and still your “One” hasn’t’ even appeared on the horizon – never mind right next to you.

Here are 10 things you can do  if you haven’t yet found the “One”.

1. Get your order right.

Make God the “One”. Follow Him with your whole heart.  Seek His will for your life.  Surrender your plans to Him.  Allow Him to be in charge (See Matthew 6:33, Matthew 22:36-39).

No person is able to complete you. To place this expectation on another human being is neither fair nor realistic.  No one has the power to make you completely happy, only God can do that.   You will only ever find your completeness in Christ. “Ye are complete in Him.”  Colossians 2:10

2. Love yourself.

Most of us have no idea what it means to love ourselves.  Having a love relationship with God will enable you to love yourself without the self-centredness that destroys healthy relationships. When you experience Christ’s love for you in spite of your failures you will be able to offer that kind of love to someone else.

As you give your life to Christ daily He will begin to transform you into someone that you actually like.  When you like yourself – in the proper sense – you will not be seeking your fulfilment or worth in another person.  You will be able to give instead of only take from relationships.

3. Know yourself.

When you are secure in Christ’s love for you, you will be able to look at yourself honestly – warts and all.  You will see your faults without sinking into despair or self-hatred. You will know your strengths and weaknesses which will enable you to make a wise choice in a life-partner because you will know what kind of person you need.

4. Be the “One” for someone else.

When you know yourself you will be able to work on your own character. Instead of looking for Mr/Miss Marvelous, work on improving yourself. Develop your talents and abilities, work on becoming neat if you’re untidy, patient if you’re impatient. Prepare yourself to be a gift to your future spouse.

5. Confront your past.

Many marriages end because of unresolved issues from the past. Digging up the past may seem scary, but do it anyway.  Go for counselling, find someone trustworthy to talk to, learn how to heal.  Burying emotional pain doesn’t make it go away; it lies below the surface and festers, affecting how you relate in current relationships. (I’ve written before about how your past affects your marriage and how to heal from it.)

6. Wait for God’s timing.

Be patient. Don’t settle for second best or fall into sexual sin just because the “One” isn’t appearing.  The Bible is full of stories of people taking things into their own hands and the bad results of doing this. Better to settle for the loneliness of singleness than the misery of an unwise marriage.

  Marriage doesn’t automatically equal happiness and contentment. Strive to be content where you are right now and you will be content wherever you are.  “I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.” Philippians 4:11

7. Don’t appear too available or desperate.

Maintain your dignity and self-respect. Don’t call or message constantly and give the other person opportunity to get tired of you. Hanging around and making a pest of yourself isn’t going to get him/her to notice you – they will feel smothered and want to escape. If you want to pull him/her toward you, don’t invade their territory! Maintain your dignity and self-respect.

 Abby couldn’t decide whether she should marry her boyfriend.  She wasn’t sure that she loved him.  He was gushy and mushy and constantly checking if there was something he could do for her.  She couldn’t breathe emotionally.  Backing off and giving her some space would have brought her love for him into sharp focus and made her decision easier.   (In case you’re curious, they did get married. J)

8. Don’t assume there’s something when there isn’t.

(Girls tend to fall into this trap more than guys – correct me if I’m wrong, guys!) Stella thinks she has found “the One” – never mind that she was convinced that the previous three guys were “the One”. She’s hoping things will work out this time. He’s just perfect.  If only he would realise that she’s perfect for him too…

Stella is sure that in time this guy will come around and realise that she is the one for him.  He hasn’t made his intentions clear but she believes they have an “understanding”.

Let me explain, if he hasn’t made his intentions clear then there is no understanding.  Yet.  This doesn’t mean there can’t or won’t be one in the future, but don’t assume there is if he hasn’t said so.

9. Don’t discuss your personal weaknesses or flaws in great detail too early in a friendship. 

No matter how understanding or accepting your friend is, unless the relationship has depth and strength these revelations may frighten them off. Hold some of your stuff back, maintain some mystery.  There is a time and place for transparency – just not too soon.

10. Expect to be respected and draw the line if you are not. 

Don’t turn a blind eye to obvious warning signs like spiritual uncommittedness (is that a word?), drug or alcohol use, selfishness, jealousy, flirting with the opposite sex, physical violence, or unnatural possessiveness. Avoid sexual familiarity.  Though it seems old fashioned, men do not respect “easy” women and women often disrespect men who have only one thing on their minds.

If you are still searching for your “One”, rest in the knowledge that God has a plan for your life.  You can trust Him.

He will make everything beautiful in His time. (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

Which one of these 10 things do you need to work on? Are you ready to be the “One” for someone else?