Love & Marriage

Intimacy in marriage, sex, communication, boundaries, and romance.

What to do if you are in an Abusive Relationship

Brenda and I went to school together and I attended her wedding way back when. She glowed with happiness as people pinned money to her wedding gown at the reception. It all looked so perfect, but I didn’t know she’d be stuck in an abusive relationship for years. Brenda stayed stuck because she felt unworthy and like the abuse was her fault. She forgave and forgot countless times, hoping things would get better. They didn’t.   Her husband was addicted to pornography. Brenda broke the videos when she found them. He watched porn at work or other people…

How to Start a Difficult Conversation

Is there a conversation you’ve been putting off because it’s too difficult or you don’t know how to get started? Maybe you’re angry with someone for something they did or did not do you feel guilty or embarrassed about something you did you need to confront inappropriate behaviour you need to share something you see needs adjustment in the other person Difficult, awkward conversations crop up everywhere. Why are difficult conversations so hard? Difficult conversations can be hard for a number of reasons: You hate conflict You’re afraid of saying the wrong thing You’re…

8 Ways to Build Trust in Relationships

All healthy relationships are based on trust. Without it a relationship will not flourish and grow, nor will it have the emotional intimacy that creates genuine connection. Importance of Trust in a Relationship The more you foster trust in your relationship, the safer you will feel. Without this sense of safety it will be very difficult to connect emotionally.   And emotional connection requires deeper revelation of yourself to your partner. It’s hard to maintain a long-term relationship when the only thing keeping you together is the surface-level stuff. Please note: The following suggestions are for those…

How to Manage Finances in Marriage

Did you know that money is listed as one of the top reasons couples divorce? Why is money such a touchy subject? It’s touchy because: It involves shame or pride about whether you’re earning enough or earning at all. Money is often the measure of status, power or personal efficacy. You may feel entitlement about what you think you deserve. You or your spouse may be in denial of debt. You may have guilt over poor decisions in the past. It involves fear and insecurity about not having enough now or in the future. We compare ourselves with…

2 Ways to Improve your Communication Skills

If you’ve ever watched a soapie you’ll know that one of the biggest problems in the onscreen relationships is lack of communication. (This is why I don’t watch them – it frustrates me!) Half the drama could be eliminated if the people would either just tell each other what’s going on in their heads or stop assuming they know what the other person is thinking! (But then I suppose the story wouldn’t drag out for so long, right?) Whether you are just entering a relationship, about to get married, are newly married or have…

How to Talk About Issues in your Marriage Instead of Ignoring them

Do you ignore issues in your marriage and pretend everything is ok? Do you dread conflict so much that you’d rather not say anything? Do you hope the bad feelings will just go away? The reality is that avoiding emotional pain in your relationship works against you. Unsolved relationship issues trigger deeper worries about how safe and secure you feel together and will create emotional distance between you. This means you are missing out on some of the biggest blessings of marriage! How to bring up issues in your relationship How can you go from not talking to talking…

14 Things Not to do When You’re in a “Fight”

Every relationship has conflict. Whether it’s a marriage relationship, parent-child relationship or a work relationship, there’s going to be conflict because there are two people involved, both with different perspectives. Since conflict can’t be avoided it needs to be managed. How are you managing conflict in your relationships or is it going unresolved? Are you frustrated with your relationships because they are just not working? You may be doing some things that are making your conflict worse without even knowing it. 14 things NOT to do in a fight: 1. Don’t involve a third…

How to Reignite the Passion in your Marriage

Do you want to reignite the passion in your marriage? Is it really necessary to maintain the spark? Definitely! Just because you’ve been married for 10, 15, 25, 35 years, doesn’t mean you can’t have chemistry in your relationship. In fact, the state of your sexual intimacy indicates the state of your relationship. Sex is the canary in the coal mine. Let me explain. Miners used to place a canary in a cage inside the mine to alert them of the presence of deadly gases. If the canary fell over dead, the miners knew to get out…

4 Ways to Develop Spiritual Intimacy with Your Spouse

I’ve written about 4 Ways to Grow Intimacy in Your Marriage before, but today we’ll be looking at one aspect of intimacy – spiritual connection – and how to grow it as a couple. Only a secure connection with your spouse will build a marriage that lasts. But there’s more to connection than talking and touching. Aside from the physical and emotional elements, we also have a spiritual dimension. This is the one couples often skip – either because it’s non-existent or because they don’t think it’s important. But, it’s…