Note: This post first appeared in 2020 but has been updated.
Do you have a logical, practical husband, but he lacks a little in the romance department?
Have you given up all hope of ever having romance in your marriage?
If this is you, I’m here to tell you there’s hope!
Picture this: you feel in love with your husband (and he with you), you enjoy being together, and you have chemistry…
Far fetched? Not at all.
Only for newly-weds? Nope.
Let’s jump right into exploring how you can help your husband be more romantic.
Is it candlelight and chocolates? Ocean cruises? Sunset picnics?
Romance is largely about doing things that stir up the feelings of love in your spouse. It says, “I notice you. I care about you. I want to be with you – not just for sex, but for you. I like who you are as a person.”
Flowers and candlelight and chocolates are great and can certainly set the mood for an occasion, but living in a permanent “Hallmark movie” state would get tiresome. Agree?
Let’s look at how to develop a steady supply of romance in your relationship without extravagant ideas or breaking the bank.
Do you want more romance in your relationship? Does your husband do nothing special for you?
Maybe he needs a little help!
Movies create expectations, but in reality, true love doesn’t look like it does on TV. It’s not found in weekend getaways to idyllic locations, hot tubs in the snow, or truckloads of flowers delivered to your door. It’s more often found in your husband getting up early every day to go to work, in taking out the trash, or in cleaning up after himself in the kitchen.
True love hammers away in the garage, fixes the leaking tap, and cleans the car.
Getting rid of unrealistic expectations will help you see the love and romance that’s right before you.
Romance is different for different people. Some like gifts and special dinners, others find their husband helping with the dishes and getting the kids to bed romantic.
I am by far not the flowers, candlelight, and perfume type, and Richard is not the sentimental type, so our romance is unique. Here are a few glimpses into our version of romance:
Comparison is the thief of joy. Looking at other men and wishing yours was … (more spiritual, more helpful with the kids, quick to fix the leaking tap).
Every man has good points and none will be perfect. One man helps with home chores, plays with the kids, and write you love poems, but doesn’t bring in a fortune every month. Another may provide well financially but forget birthdays and anniversaries, and has never changed a nappy (diaper). Be thankful for the man you have, and look for his good points.
Most women wish their husbands would just know what they want and need without being told. Don’t wait for your husband to initiate romance. Plan something romantic – a weekend away, a special date, or time to talk. Make a list of gifts you’d like, places you’d like to go, things you’d appreciate him doing for you.
Learn to express your need for romance – not by nagging, but by having a conversation. When he does do something that hits the spot for you, say, “I feel loved when you help put the kids to bed. It makes me love you more.”
Teach your husband how to romance you. If your husband is the logical, planner type, then ask him to introduce a romantic routine into your relationship – like a cuddle in bed every morning before you get up, or a 15-second hug every day before he leaves for work. Make it achievable for him and enjoyable for you.
Harboured resentment is a romance killer! Talk about the issues between you. Deal with your own heart and any lurking bad feelings. Romance is largely about positive emotions, but if your relationship is full of negative emotions, there’s no room for romance.
If it doesn’t occur to your husband to create a romantic environment for a date-night or lovemaking, take it upon yourself to set the scene. Light the candles, turn on the music. Create the atmosphere and then invite your husband to join you.
Investing in your friendship will revive romance. Spend time reminiscing about how you met, what attracted you to each other, what you thought about each other when you first met. Do fun things together – play a board game, mini-golf, or go swimming in the sea (if you have one nearby). Keeping your friendship alive generates positive emotions and reignites romance.
A great way to rekindle friendship is by talking! If your conversations have stalled, then get our FREE Couple Conversation Starter Kit by filling in the form below, and get the conversation ball rolling again.
Romance often happens in the context of quantity time, not quality time. It happens when you’re doing something normal and mundane together – like sitting on the tractor planting grass seeds.
We’d been on it for nearly 6 hours. No candles or romantic music. I looked pretty awful in my old, dirty clothes, face dusty, a bag of seed jammed between my knees. But Richard caught my eye and winked at me. And in that brief encounter I felt loved, valued, appreciated, and special. That spilled over to the rest of our relationship.
Related: 10 Ways to Rekindle a Dull Marriage
If you’re married to an unromantic guy, learn to see romance differently, express your needs, and help him meet them.
Read 4 Things You Need for a Good Married Date for ideas for free dates.
And ladies, read this post for ideas on how to romance your husband.
What can you do to revive the romance in your marriage?