Do you want to reignite the passion in your marriage?
Is it really necessary to maintain the spark?
Definitely! Just because you’ve been married for 10, 15, 25, 35 years, doesn’t mean you can’t have chemistry in your relationship.
In fact, the state of your sexual intimacy indicates the state of your relationship.
Sex is the canary in the coal mine.
Let me explain.
Miners used to place a canary in a cage inside the mine to alert them of the presence of deadly gases. If the canary fell over dead, the miners knew to get out fast.
Similarly, if something is wrong in the bedroom, it likely means something is wrong elsewhere in the relationship.
You should take note of the state of your sexual intimacy.
Yes. And no.
The passion felt at the beginning of a relationship is due to a rush of dopamine and oxytocin. These hormones and reward brain stimulators make you feel excited and happy to be around your spouse.
As time passes and the novelty wears off, these feelings wane. This is a completely natural part of falling in love, but it may leave you feeling “meh” about your spouse.
But, there’s good news! You can get the chemistry back in your relationship.
Contrary to what the world depicts, passion in your marriage is not just about the physical act of sex.
Rekindling the passion requires spiritual, emotional, and physical connection. The reason why many people turn to pornography is because they skip the spiritual and emotional connection. Sex becomes all about the physical connection only, so they resort to “kinky” to bring the spice back.
But it doesn’t last.
The real solution is to connect on all three levels.
God created us to be spiritual beings, and when we connect with God and each other spiritually, it ignites a spark that is otherwise missing.
Here’s how to connect spiritually:
A good sexual relationship is built on emotional intimacy and closeness. If you want to improve your physical relationship, work on your emotional connection.
Here’s how to do that:
Pay attention to your physical connection – it’s easy to get into a routine and do the same thing all the time.
Scientists have discovered that oxytocin – a bonding hormone – is released during warm touch. This hormone is also released during orgasm.
In his book, Kiss Me Like You Mean It, Dr. David Clarke shares some passion-killing mistakes couples make:
A woman is affected by the details of her surroundings. Is it quiet? Is it private? Is it secure? Is it clean? Is it tidy? Does it smell nice? Is it warm?
Make sure your body is clean for your spouse. The smell of an unwashed body can be very off-putting. Brush your teeth. Shower. Shave.
Change things up and make love in another room, or try a different position. Get creative!
If a woman fears being heard during sexual intercourse it will be very difficult for her to let go and enjoy the experience. Put a lock on the door and play some music to hide any noise.
Women take longer to get aroused than men. This is why foreplay is important.
A wife’s lack of response can be due to many factors – hormones, stress, exhaustion, resentment, physical discomfort, distraction (that to-do list!), a misunderstanding of her libido.
Find out how to improve your libido – I recommend Sheila’s Libido Course!
This is an affiliate link – which means I earn a little from it too.
You may also be interested in Sheila’s Orgasm Course for women and the Husband’s Edition – for those of you who struggle with orgasm and wonder what all the hype is about sex anyway, because it’s just not great for you.
(Again, these are both affiliate links – meaning I earn a little from them.)
Most couples don’t see God as having any connection to their sexual lives. But the reality is that God created sex. It was His idea and He wants us to enjoy it.
“If we leave God out of the bedroom, we will never taste the full pleasure and meaning of sex.”[i]
A common mistake couples make is jumping up right after sex, checking their phone, answering emails, seeing to the next thing on the to-do list, or rolling over and going to sleep.
They miss out on a vital component of sex – the afterglow. A woman’s arousal period is almost always considerably longer than a man’s, but the afterglow for her is slow and gradual too.
To leave her prematurely leaves her unfulfilled and he misses out on something special too because this is the time he connects best emotionally. This is the time to cuddle, talk, and relish the intimacy and closeness.
You can rekindle the passion in your marriage. It may take some time and effort, but it is possible!
Have you lost the passion in your marriage? What are you going to do to get it back?
[i] Kiss Me Like You Mean It, 215, Dr David Clarke.