12 Ways to Rediscover yourself after Motherhood

Being a mom can suck the life out of you – you get so involved with caring for your kids and doing daily routines that you forget who you are.

You forget you used to enjoy music.

You don’t know what you like anymore.

You feel out of touch with the rest of the world.

You’re a shell of your former self, unable to think or talk about anything other than earache, diaper rashes, and how to get your kids to stop arguing.

But underneath your mom hat lies a head full of dormant ideas, dreams, hopes, interests, and passions, and it’s time to rediscover yourself.  

Why do moms lose their identity?

Let’s unpack the reasons why you’ve lost yourself.

  • You’re constantly putting everyone else first
  • You don’t have control over your time anymore
  • Your body doesn’t belong to you anymore
  • You feel isolated and alone
  • You’ve lost your independence
  • You feel stagnant and unstimulated mentally
  • You’re constantly kid-focused and forget to look after yourself

Being a mom requires a lot of self-sacrifice, but that doesn’t mean you have to lose yourself completely.

There are ways to reclaim your identity as a person without abandoning your mom-duties.

How to rediscover yourself after motherhood

#1 Carve out some personal time for yourself

And while you’re about it, ditch the guilt about it. Go for a walk on your own, take a bath, read a book, or just sit in silence. Teach your kids to respect this time as yours.

Related: Boundaries with kids

#2 Teach your kids that you are a person too

You don’t have to feel guilty for thinking about yourself.

“Mommy is a person too, and she’s going to sit down and eat. Get your own spoon.”

Teaching your kids to respect your quiet time with God, to wait while you are in the bathroom, or make your bed for you, will be good for them and help them realise that you are a person that has needs too.

#3 Ask for help

Asking for help does not make you a bad mother. Motherhood is taxing and it’s ok to get help from your husband, older children, friends, or your parents.

#4 Train your kids to be less dependent on you

Teach them to do things for themselves. What are you doing for them right now that they could be doing for themselves? Encourage independence as fast as they can handle it.

#5 Get out of the house

Take your kids to a park or a walk on a country road, or go grocery shopping with them (I know, tough choice, but sitting in the house will drive you crazy!)

Related: How to take a break from your kids

#6 Reconnect with your dreams

Write down some things you still want to do with your life. Write down some goals that you can work towards. What small steps can you take toward those goals?

I’m not saying abandon your post as mom, but if you get organised you may be able to find small bits of time for pursuing your dreams.

Having said that, be patient. You are in a season of busyness but the time will come when you will have more time for yourself. In the meantime, bank your dreams with God and allow Him to bring them to fruition in His time.

#7 Try new things

Do something that takes you out of feeling bored, unchallenged and stuck in a rut. Start a new hobby, join a gym, try a new recipe, start a YouTube channel or podcast, raise chickens. 

#8 Join a mom’s support group

Having friends who are going through the same thing as you will make you feel less alone and help you to stay connected to the outside world.

If you can’t join a group in person, then find one of Facebook.

Check out my free Facebook group, Personal Growth for Christian Moms

#9 Connect with your husband

Make time for uninterrupted adult conversation with him. Teach your children to respect your time with each other. If you co-sleep, consider training your kids to sleep in their own rooms so that you can rediscover yourself as a wife.

Related: Should you co-sleep with your kids?

#10 Take care of how you look

Moms sometimes lose their identity because they live in yoga pants and their haircare is the essential mom-bun. Putting a little effort into your appearance will remind you that you are a person too!

#11 Find a new identity

If you worked outside the home before having kids you may have found your identity in your career where you could measure results. Now that that is gone, who are you? Choose to immerse yourself in motherhood, study it, read about it, educate yourself and rewrite your identity. See the value of what you do – you are not “just a mom”. You are raising kids for eternity!

#12 Lower expectations

You may think you need hours of time in order to rediscover yourself, but the reality is that you don’t need much time at all. Take advantage of moments – to read a book, watch a short video, listen to a podcast, or create something beautiful (it may have to be done in stages, but that’s ok!).

Rediscovering yourself is important for both you and your family.

Your identity isn’t lost, it’s just buried under nappies (diapers), school books, and a mountain of laundry.

God has put this circumstance under your feet (Psalm 8:6). Take back control of your life and do a few small things to help you rediscover yourself, and you will feel a whole lot better!

About The Author

Jennifer Lovemore

Jennifer has three grown kids and is married to her best friend, Richard. She started this website as a platform to help families, and specifically women, to take control of their lives and grow themselves spiritually, mentally & emotionally, and to discover their God-given purpose and live it out with confidence. She is a trained Life Coach and has diplomas in relationship counselling and CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). She is a certified SYMBIS (Save Your Marriage Before It Starts) facilitator. She lives in sunny South Africa.

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